Darling,

Life isn't easy. You'll come to learn that, especially as you become an adult. I wish I could make things a breeze for you but than, there's much you would miss learning and also you wouldn't grow.

Nobody is perfect. I make mistakes all the time and I don't do everything that I should. It is easy for me to say that you should Trust God and he will take care of all your needs. He will, it's just that sometimes he lets you struggle first because that is how you grow.

I have a feeling that more of these letters will be from what I am going through in my life at the moment. Like right now, I'm interested in a boy. A very awesome Christian boy who respects girls and is fun to be around and spectacular to talk to. He's also quite handsome. And I want him to be interested in me.

I've gone through other crushes before. They all vary. This is one of the stronger ones. I've had the relationships that weren't meant to be--two official, serious boyfriends. The first one was in high school and I dated him off and off for three, four years. I met him at church youth group and he was teased quite a bit behind his back. I was also so very immature and had crazy thoughts one Halloween of kissing him and liking him. He was the older brother of my best friend. So word got around and he said he liked me too so we started hanging around, going out with really going anywhere. Held hands and talked about things. Even said I love you to him. I did, but it wasn't meant to be. Should have gotten the idea after two break-ups. But I ever being the romantic, continued to love him and we got back together--more maturely. Things might have been different but I moved to Colorado. We stayed together long distance, there weren't really a whole lot of other people and I was planning on coming back for college. We grew apart though, couldn't afford long distance phone calls and he wasn't much of a letter writer. So after a few visits back and a couple of years, we finally ended that.

Than this last year in college I started to date another boy, a freshman. I met him in my Calc II TI where I helped people with their math homework. I started to feel those feelings of a crush again--many crushes I have had--and he ended up also showing an interest in me. I had vowed though not to seriously date until after the first semester but I ended up pushing that away. In some ways we moved too fast, didn't really become good friends first. I didn't realize a lot too about how other friends of mine really felt about him. I started to feel doubts. . .but ignored them for awhile, denied them really. After a couple of months and a lot of eye-opening to his personality, I had to end things with him and never regretted it. In fact, as time followed afterwards, I became more and more glad that I did.

I keep my crushes mostly secret although I admit them to my dearest friends. If i keep it to myself, it'll eat away at me inside. My friends also serve me great reminders. I hope you get to know these friends as your aunts because they are as dear as sisters to me. Back on track though.

The Love thing. I believe that God has one person out there for me and that will be the person I marry because I trust God with that. I've been talking with a friend lately though (actually the boy I am interested in) a little bit about love being a choice, not an emotion. Defining love is quite hard to do my dear. I realize more and more how true it is that love is a choice. How else could God command us to do it? It's something we control--choose to do. By the way again dear, Please please read your Bible. Study it and learn it. I could, maybe should, be giving you some helpful references but I hope that you know your Bible so that you can reflect back on it and look it up for yourself. You'll know where to know and you'll know what I'm talking about. My friend just told me to read 1 Corinthians 13 using choice every time I see love versus emotion and noting that difference.

I kind of want to stop. . .knowing that you'll really learn all of this better through experience and your own conversations with friends. Besides, I'm now deep in conversation on said subject with said friend and I don't want to lose this post to quirky internet. You can always ask me more in person and better yet, you can always reflect with God.

Love you,
Mom
- posted by anna @ 1:01 AM

 
Oh darling! There is so much I want to tell you, most of it about me I realize. In fact, I was just thinking how this could be something that could end being my autobiography one day, this could be the book that makes me the writer I've dreamed of being. Daughter one thing I know is that I want to be close to you. Maybe this is dangerous though because I don't want to smother you. I want the best for you. You too are one of my dreams. A hard question to put before myself is what dreams I desire the most? Would I be willing to sacrifice one dream for another? Really it all depends on what God wants for me although I struggle to live by this that I believe sometimes. Okay, most of the time. It just hit me by that writing these letters to you I assume that you are going to be one who loves to read like me and who will want to know. And then a very spooky thought hits me in that this may be the way you get to know me. I'd rather you get to know me in person, by asking me questions. Of course, I'm not a brilliant one for story-telling on the spot. I tell stories from memory-association kind of stuff.

I could tell you more about my parents and family. My growing up. but I think I'm going to tell you my dreams.

When I was little I dreamed of a few things--of being a writer, of working with kids, and of being a mom and wife. I used to want to be everything and for awhile I was going to pursue being a veterinarian because I loved animals. But than I decided I wouldn't be able to handle putting animals down and some of the things involved with being a vet. Also I still really wanted to work with kids more so I thought about being a pediatrician. Really, it was the thought of all the school and the brutal work I'd have to do to get there. Also dealing with the hard things like very sick kids and dying kids. Than, as my love of math developed in eighth grade and I became known as someone to go to for help, I discovered that I liked explaining how to do things up at the overhead projector. And so a dream of being a high school math teacher developed.

I loved to read. I learned early and I learned fast so I spent much spare time reading and reading until I fell asleep or my eyes hurt. (This was going somewhere. . .but I'm losing. . .oh wait!) Okay. Well one thing that I read was the Chronicles of Narnia. It's one of my favorite series along with Anne of Green Gables and Little House on the Prairie. Chronicles I didn't get into as much until I read them a second time. Actually, I didn't like the movies until I was older. and then I fell in love with Narnia. It really started to set in my freshman year, the fall after a night of star-gazing three of us were walking back in the early morning fog (4 a.m.) and I just paused under a lamplight because I was reminded of the Lamppost in Narnia. I just felt like I was under that spell. So it developed and I was dreaming of having a house one day, I always knew that I would like my own space, my own room--an office library kind of place. And I suddenly had the idea of how I would like to design it. I want the entrance to be that of a warddrobe and maybe my reading spot to have a lamplight as the light to read by with the big comfy chair to curl up in and a place to set a cup of tea, or coffee, hot cocoa or whatever. I just now thought of it being a lion like chair but that would probably be too much. And as I think more I could have a table much like the stone one at Cape Canaveral I think it is in the books. (I could be mixing up places in my head though.) The windows would look out onto our backyard. I want the room to have the feel of Narnia, the feel of fantasy and dreaming, a place to escape reality and enter another.

I'd have math books in there too because I can't ever escape the love of doing math problems every once in awhile, but I think I might love reading and writing more. Maybe that's why I like algebra so much--well I like geometry a whole lot too--graphing and trig and triangles! Oh darling I could go on all night as I must tell you about some of my favorite teachers like Mr. Allen and Mrs. Reaves.

Eh, this saved what I was last writing when things crashed on me last night. Oh well. I ended with a random bit about needing my sleep being the twenty-year-old college student battling the frustrations God throws at me in life. And again so.

Love,
Mother
- posted by anna @ 12:22 AM

 
Dear,

Hmm. Where should I start? with my life? by introducing you to my family, our family? It may be a little bit of both by describing the people.

Your Grandparents Olsons, that would by my mom and dad. They met here at LU on a fall retreat and their first date was to the movie, The Sound of Music. I was born late in their marriage, the third of four. They are good parents; I don't agree with them on stuff but they gave me a lot of freedom to raise myself in a way growing up. I guess they trusted me to do the right thing while they were busy dealing with my older sister and younger brother. But we never were close. We love each other, but we're all fairly independent.

Mom was raised in Illinois. She is the oldest of three with a younger sister and brother. She and my aunt (your great-aunt) seem to be pretty close. Mom had to start working when I was in second grade but she was still there for us the best she could be. But she was (is) always so tired when coming home from work and she has so much else to do. Dad actually worked here at LU until I was in fifth grade. That was when life really seemed to become stressful as we would use vacations for him to go job-hunting. We still got to see some cool places. Dad is the middle of five with two older sisters and two younger brothers. We have a lot of cousins on that side of the family and I was blessed to get to know them all. Some of us have grown apart. I learned a lot from our times together--kind of a toughness, card games. I guess I could talk more about them later. . .More about Dad. Dad is goofy, but he's the stricter of my two parents. He's highly opinionated and not afraid to voice them. He gets on well with a lot of people and is very much still a Boy Scout. Actually, he's more showy with emotions than my mom I think.

As I think, I see a lot of similarities in my parents relationships with their parents to my relationship with them.
- posted by anna @ 6:37 PM

 
Hello Dearling!

I thought of some things that I could talk to you about here--I could describe my family, my life, my friends.

Tonight I realized again how lucky I was to be raised in a Christian home with parents who let me have my freedom. It hurts me so much to see my friends around me today who weren't that lucky, who are hurting deeply and rage bitterly because of how their parents treated them. It also hurts me to see people divorcing, especially when they have children.

Two things that I will never consider are abortion and divorce. Abortion--it would be hard enough for me to give up a child for adoption. I can't see killing such a promise of hope and potential. Divorce is not an option. It would take something serious--lives in danger of my children, myself, or unrepentant unfaithfulness. Daughter, it will be interesting to know what you think of my friends and your siblings. I have a strange crew around me nowadays. I promise to tell you about them, as many as I can and especially those who you'll probably get to know.

I hate to leave dearest but I must. Goodnight and I'll talk to ya on the morrow.

Love,
Me
- posted by anna @ 1:38 AM