Ah darling,

this past week has made me realize how much I'm going to have to trust God to prepare me and make me ready to be a mother when He wills you and others in my life. Right now, I feel like I'd be a bad mother. I realize how self-serving I am and how much patience I still need. I'll need more positive words and energy and strength. I don't know how mothers have done it through the years of the world. Especially those with many many children. I think about how I'm not ready at the age of 21, and there are so many teenage mothers out there who weren't ready either

At times these last few days, I wonder if I'm cut out for it. But I've also spent a lot of time remembering and realizing how kid-crazy I've been since I was so little. I wouldn't have the desire if it wasn't to be a part of my life. God put it there. God's going to have to prepare me though. Teaching is one thing. Mothering is a whole other ball of wax because it really is 24/7 and one is lucky if they even get a half hour break. Even when the kids are gone.

I worry now but it's pointless really.

Sarah and Caedin are so cute and lovable. I know you will be too.

- posted by anna @ 10:57 AM